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I went out with a wonderful woman for seven years who loved Barbra Streisand. In a relationship, these kinds of things aren’t an issue, but internet dating makes them into one.After all, when I meet someone in real life whom I like, I tend not to say: ‘Hi, I’m Rhodri, and here’s a list of food I don’t like eating.’ The rules of attraction are just too complex to be held in a database and analysed by a computer.
And if you do, and start a relationship, when will you tell the truth? The reality is that online dating websites are merely a search tool for connecting with like minded single adults, and the goal is to get the date or make a new friend.
All of them have approached internet dating with the most honourable of intentions: they’re lured by the promise of romance, be it jazz and croissants on Sunday morning, or leaping out of a plane strapped to someone nice. They’d just like someone, but someone hasn’t shown up.
The search for love in any context is a lottery, of course. What are the chances of two compatible people turning up in the same place at the same time?
For example, e Harmony likes to stress how many members get married as a result of being matched via the service (236 every day, according to one set of data gathered in 2008).
did a survey last year indicating that an impressive 58,500 people had found a partner on the site over a 12-month period — and it still offers a six-month guarantee of ‘finding love’, albeit underlined (understandably) by a 500-word list of conditions. When Time Out magazine ran a cover story offering free online dating for every reader, it dangled a huge metaphorical carrot. But you rarely hear from those who, having failed to find a partner online, back away from the computer shaking their heads at the way the process distorts social conventions and leaves you slightly shell-shocked.