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The truth is this sexting game is not that easy in practice.You have to trust the person you’re sending the message to, you have to keep in mind that you don’t want to penalize your partner for something that other untrustworthy partners have done and you have to not overextend yourself in a ways that you’ll regret later.As I grew more selective, my profiles grew less playful. I added more shirtless pics and naked pics; I worked out harder; I left my descriptions blank so I would have nothing to blame for a guy not messaging me back, other than his own "preference." But it was never enough. I would wait with bated breath for a response from a guy and if it didn't come I would wonder what was wrong with me. Giving all the goods off the bat, however, takes the surprise and spontaneity out of meeting each other.Some guys can put aside their personal feelings with a studied yet cool sense of detachment; they can allegedly just have fun and not take this silly thing too seriously. But these apps and sites have rendered me completely unable to interact with guys in any other way because they cater to my insecurity. My insecurity with coming off too effeminate or too needy. The insecurity that you're not masculine enough when masculinity is demanded of you -- absolutely -- as a matter of course from other gay men. From the ludicrously inflated pecs of Tom of Finland to the sculpted torsos on Grindr, gay men have always prized the hyper masculine, but this exaltation of all things manly forces those of us who don't necessarily fit within those rigid gender constructs to make one of two choices: rebel or conform. Femininity is weakness, is undesirable, is a boner-killer if there ever was one.While I don’t think that sending nudes or racy photos to one’s significant other is a problem or something that should never be done, I do think it’s important that you’re smart about it.And also, if you’re smart about it, you’ll avoid a lot of the risk associated with the potential for your photos to find their way to the public eye.

It's one thing to be rejected based on a picture and a headline, but to be rejected based on something more substantial like personality is a soul-crusher. This is the faceless face of hooking up in the 21st century.I've spent countless hours, whether alone or in the company of friends I rudely ignored, staring intently at my phone, slavishly yet listlessly flipping through the same profiles, wasting my time and poking holes in my self-esteem for what? I can work out obsessively; I can take shirtless, faceless selfies of myself and plaster them across the internet; I can pretend to be masculine, but I can't be something I'm not. I tried to be myself, or rather, to represent myself as truthfully as I could. Well it’s not because the thing is in 2014 people communicate via text and phone much more than they communicate in person.But there was a point a couple of weeks ago when all the drama about “leaked” nudes was at its peak that someone finally raised the most critical and pertinent point: It’s not about the fact that someone takes nudes, it’s about the fact that someone decides to leak the nudes to media outlets.

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